Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
