My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
