Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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