In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
