Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
