Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
