"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
