ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
