I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
