Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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