not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
