Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
