I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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