Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize