took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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