one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I touched a dick in church today
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
