im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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