Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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