He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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