People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize