so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
