how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
