I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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