Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
