I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
