btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
