high people should be assigned attendants
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
my liver is dry heaving
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
