I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
