she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
