Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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