I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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