I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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