And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
