I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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