I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
