Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
