Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
