Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

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(708): View more from Illinois

I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.

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(301): View more from Maryland

please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?

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(815): View more from Illinois

I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.

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(216): View more from Ohio

We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.

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