so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize