dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
