his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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