He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
