All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
