If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
