She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize