Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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