i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You are a genius and a whore.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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