It's Friday. Sex?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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