now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
