i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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