bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
