sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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