How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
