just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
