Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
