when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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