just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
