Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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