Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
