also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
