sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
