I'm going to jail i love you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
